“Men are disturbed, not by things, but by the principles and notions which they form concerning things.”
Epictetus, The Enchiridion, c. 135 CE
Pressure is a daily reality on the frontline of care right now. In a 2026 interview study of 20 community mental health workers, financial strain, heavy caseloads, and administrative burden drove people out, and the supervision and training meant to support them were not enough to keep them. More than 122 million Americans also live in areas with a shortage of mental health professionals, so the demand on our teams keeps rising.
Here is something many of us have noticed. Two team members carry the same caseload, sit in the same meetings, and absorb the same changes, yet one is worn thin while the other is quietly growing. It is easy to assume the difference is effort or character, and that assumption costs us the chance to lead well. Consider a different explanation.
A Moment Worth Paying Attention To
As a young leader in the military, I had received very little direct leadership training and felt that assertiveness equated to leadership. In my desire to lead, I made very generalized duty rosters and felt the need to treat everyone the same because that was fair.
It took many years, and many failures, to realize that the true test of a leader is not whether they can assert themselves and force a square peg into a round hole to get the mission accomplished. Anyone can do that. The true test is being able to identify the strengths and weaknesses in yourself and your team, then leverage all of them for the best possible outcomes.
Everyone brings something different to the table: skills, experience, knowledge. The difference between a leader and someone in charge is the ability to capitalize on these differences for the greater good of the organization and the individual.
Same Carbon, Different Stories
Diamond, coal, and oil all contain carbon, and all three took shape under heat and pressure over enormous spans of time. I am no geologist, so consider this a picture rather than a scientific lab report. However, the science offers a helpful reminder.
Coal began as buried plant material. Oil began as tiny marine organisms settling into sediment. Diamonds crystallize far deeper, roughly 150 to 200 kilometers down in the mantle, from carbon that often traces back to material recycled from the surface. Coal does not normally turn into diamond, a myth many of us grew up with. Each material started in a different place, and the pressure met what was already there.
What Each Person Brings Into the Room
Our team members arrive with different histories, skills, supports, and stresses already in place. Someone who has come through a hard season before may meet a new caseload demand with calm. Someone carrying a heavy load at home may feel that same demand as the last straw. Neither person is weaker, and neither is wrong.
The research agrees. George Bonanno’s research on resilience found that resilience is common and follows more than one pathway, so people respond to hard events in very different ways. Alia Crum and colleagues’ study of stress mindsets found that how people view stress shapes how they respond to it, and that this view can be changed. That gives us hope, because it means responses can grow.
Leading Each Person Where They Are
This picture describes conditions, not people, so please do not sort your team into rocks. Our job is to learn what each person carries and to adjust our support to fit. Some need less on their plate for a season. Others need a stretch they have been waiting for.
Diamonds do not stay buried. Something has to carry them upward, and for natural diamonds that lift comes from rare volcanic eruptions. For those entrusted to my leadership, I want to be part of that lift. We can start by asking what the heaviest part of their work is right now, listening without fixing, and coaching toward one small next step. Last week’s Dispatch on asking better questions is a good place to begin.
Your Own Response Is Part of the Picture
Our teams watch how we handle pressure long before they hear how we coach it. When we stay steady, name what is hard, and ask for help when we need it, we give others permission to do the same. Being honest about the weight and steady enough to help carry it is enough.
Try This Week
Choose one team member and ask, “What is the heaviest part of your work right now, and what would make it lighter?” Then wait. Write down what you hear, and choose one small change you can make to support them by Friday.
Reflection
- What would our team look like if each person felt understood for what they carry into their work?
- How can you learn what one team member is carrying without prying or rushing to fix it?
- What will you do this week to make room for that conversation?
Lace up your Boots and Go Lead.
You’ve Got This.
Suggested Reading
- Bonanno, G. A. (2004), “Loss, trauma, and human resilience.”
- Crum, A. J., Salovey, P., and Achor, S. (2013), “Rethinking stress.”
- Ganss et al. (2026), perspectives on turnover and workforce shortages in community behavioral health.
- National Council for Mental Wellbeing, “A Workforce Under Pressure.”
- Smit and Shirey (2018), “Diamonds from the Deep.”
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do people respond differently to the same pressure at work?
People bring different experience, skills, responsibilities, support systems, and current stresses into the room. The same workload can be manageable for one person and overwhelming for another. A leader can respond fairly by learning what each person needs rather than assuming effort or character explains every difference.
How can a leader support someone who feels overwhelmed?
Start with a direct, respectful question about what is heaviest right now. Listen without rushing to fix it, then agree on one realistic next step. That might mean clarifying priorities, removing a barrier, adjusting support, or helping the person build a skill for the next hard moment.
Does leading people differently mean lowering standards?
No. It means matching the support, coaching, and stretch opportunity to the person and the situation while keeping the purpose and standard clear. Fair leadership is not identical treatment. It is giving people a real chance to do good work and grow.
