“It is easier to judge the mind of a man by his questions rather than his answers.”
Pierre-Marc-Gaston, duc de Lévis, 1808
The most valuable thing you can offer as a leader is not always an answer. Sometimes, it is a good question, one that helps someone find their own way through and grow in the process.
Most new leaders assume the opposite is true. They think competence means having the answer ready before anyone finishes asking. So they answer fast, answer often, and wonder later why their team never seems to think for itself.
The leaders people grow under are not always the ones with the most answers. They are the ones who ask the right question at the right moment, then have the discipline to wait.
A Moment Worth Paying Attention To
Following my transition from the military to the civilian workforce, my learning curve in most every position was straight up. I came from a position in which I had been focused and engaged in learning and teaching and had a strong grasp on the institutional knowledge of my world. One step outside the military and that was useless.
Settling into a leadership position in a new organization, a new community, and in a new role of community-based mental health support resulted in my nose being buried in books and policies. As I found myself learning more, I was very proud to have the answers and able to cite their origin when asked almost anything. It felt good to be the leader people went to and be able to flex my knowledge.
As I grew into my responsibilities, I had less time to spend researching answers and policy. The questions, however, did not slow down. I felt obligated to answer because I was the proud guy with all the answers. This led me down a road I knew would end in burnout.
I knew I had to fix the monster my pride created, but the fix would take a bit of time.
I started “partnering” with my team when they brought me questions. I encouraged them to do some research and I would too, then we would set a time to discuss what we found. This was a great team builder and eventually resulted in the team asking me for “The Easy Button” answer less and less. They grew in their ability to research and locate answers themselves.
Through all of this I felt I was helping, but all I really did was grow their dependence on me. A good leader focuses on developing team members’ abilities, not their need for the leader.
The Leader-as-Expert Trap
Most people get promoted into leadership because they were good at the work, which usually means they were good at having answers. That is not a bad thing, and it made you valuable as an individual contributor. As a leader, however, it quietly becomes a ceiling.
Every time you answer instead of ask, you save a few minutes and cost your team a little more of the habit of thinking and opportunity to grow. Do it long enough, and problems stop getting solved on the floor and start getting carried straight to your door.
Questions That Open vs. Questions That Close
Closed questions look for a yes, a no, or confirmation of what the leader already believes. “Did you check the schedule?” gets you one word back and nothing else.
Open questions widen the space instead of narrowing it. “What have you already tried?” or “What do you think is driving this?” hands the thinking back to the person who actually owns the problem.
Coaching Questions: Helping People Find Their Own Solutions
A coaching question is not a trick to get someone to guess what you are already thinking. It is a genuine invitation to work the problem out loud. “What options have you considered?” or “What would you do if I were not in the room?” does more for someone’s growth than the fastest, cleanest answer you could give them.
That is the heart of a coaching leadership style. People own decisions they arrive at themselves far more than decisions handed to them, even when the two look identical.
Clarifying Questions: Understanding Before Advising
Before you can help, you have to actually understand what you are looking at, not the version you assumed on the walk over. “Tell me more about what happened” or “Walk me through your thinking” slows you down just long enough to see the real problem instead of the one you guessed at.
Advice built on a half-understood situation rarely lands, and it teaches your team that you decide first and listen second.
Challenging Questions: Pushing Thinking Without Attacking
Some questions are meant to push, not just to understand. “What is the strongest argument against your own plan?” or “What are you assuming here that might not be true?” can surface a blind spot fast.
The difference between challenging someone and attacking them usually comes down to tone and intent. Ask because you are curious what they will find, not to prove you already know the answer.
The Discipline of Waiting: Letting Silence Do the Work
Ask a real question, and the natural next move is to fill the silence that follows, either with your own answer or with a second, easier question. Resist it.
A few seconds of quiet feels much longer to you than it does to the person thinking. Let it stretch. The best answer in the room is usually the one that shows up right after you stop talking.
When to Answer and When to Ask
None of this means you stop answering. When safety is on the line, a decision has to happen now, or someone genuinely lacks the information to find the answer themselves, give it to them straight.
Questions are not a way to withhold direction people need. They are how you build a team that needs less of it over time.
Try This Week
Track yourself for one day. Every time someone brings you a problem, notice whether your first instinct is to answer or to ask, and count both. At the end of the day, look at the ratio. Then challenge yourself the next day to flip it, answering less and asking more.
Reflection
When was the last time you answered a question someone could have answered themselves, if you had just given them room to?
What is it costing your team every time you jump straight to the answer instead of asking the question first?
What is one question you could ask this week instead of the answer you would normally give?
Suggested Reading
- Michael Bungay Stanier, The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever. A practical field guide built around seven core questions that shift leaders from advice-giving to curiosity and the habit of staying quiet a few seconds longer than feels comfortable.
- Edgar H. Schein, Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling. A case for building trust and better decisions by asking questions you do not already know the answer to, instead of defaulting to telling.
- Warren Berger, A More Beautiful Question: The Power of Inquiry to Spark Breakthrough Ideas. Research on how the most useful questions get asked and why curiosity tends to fade the longer someone spends in a position of authority.
Lace up your Boots and Go Lead. You’ve Got This.
